Readers Guide

Chapter One – Meeting Dylan

Characters introduced:​

• Matt – protagonist
• Jed – Matt’s best friend
• Rooster – bully
• Dylan – a friend of Matt’s older brother (Simon)
• Simon – Matt’s older deceased brother. There is no reference to possible suicide in this chapter.
• Jane – Matt’s mother
• Bill – Matt’s father

Concepts covered:

• ​Bullying in the classroom
• The mental health of Jane – very lightly introduced

Discussion points:

• ​What should you do if bullied?
• What role did Matt’s classmates play in making Matt’s situation worse or better?
• Why did Matt stay in the sleep-out?

Chapter Two – Meeting Art

Characters introduced:

• ​Art – an older friend of Dylan. Art was once the partner of Dylan’s mother.
• Tac – Art’s cat

​Concepts covered:

• ​Lack of support by adults in regard to bullying. (Teachers don’t fret! Matt has a fantastic school experience later in the story.)

Discussion points:

• Would Rooster have kept up bullying without the support of his peers?
• How did Art’s house compare to Matt’s?

Chapter Three – Last Day of School

Characters introduced:

• ​Fuzz – a school friend of Dylan
• Ru – by reference only as “donkey butt”, is Rooster’s older brother

Concepts covered:

• Being bold – Dylan was breaking many conventions and a couple of laws on his motorbike
• Being brave – Matt getting on Dylan’s motorbike after school
• The negative impact of persistent drug taking

Discussion points:

• ​Would you have got on Dylan’s motorbike? If so, what were the risks?
• Why did Fuzz start taking drugs?
• What would have helped Fuzz when he was younger? (Mentoring, having an older friend as Dylan is to Matt.)

Chapter Four – Meeting Gary

Characters introduced:

• Gary – Dylan’s karate instructor
• Heather – Gary’s partner
• Bess – farm dog
• Liam – by reference only. Liam was Gary and Heather’s son who died from cancer
• Jude – a school friend of Dylan

Concepts covered:

• Introduction to karate theme

Discussion points:

• Matt sort of wants to try karate, but is not sure if it is right for him. His father is not encouraging either. Would you try karate (or anything else) if you were in this situation?
• Can you know whether you would like to do something, or not, without trying?

Chapter Five – Trip to the Lake

Concepts covered:

• Dylan and Matt take a skinny dip at the lake and are spotted by a couple of girls
• Simon’s death is touched on with a very oblique reference to suicide in the very last sentence.

Discussion points:

• Matt did not tell Bill he was riding on the motorbike to the lake. Why was this?
• What could change which would make it easier for Matt to talk with his father?
• Did Dylan handle the situation well when he and Matt were caught out skinny dipping?
• Sometimes things that seem really bad at the time turn out alright. Can you think of one of these situations?

Chapter Six – First Karate Lesson

Characters introduced:

• Sandra – Gary and Heather’s daughter
• Allicia – Sandra’s partner

Concepts covered:

• The ‘why’ is the most important part of anything we do
• What is the measure of a man’s strength?
• Don’t drink fizz
• Same-sex relationships. This is not made explicit but it is implied.
• It’s okay to be gay. Dylan reveals to Matt that Simon was gay.

Discussion points:

• What is something you like to do and what is your why?
• What is the ‘why’ of going to school?
• Who are the people you feel safe around?
• What might people do that makes you feel unsafe?
• Why does Gary want Matt to stop drinking fizz?
• Was it okay for Simon to be bullied for being gay?
• What should have the ‘young Dylan’ done to better support Simon?

Chapter Seven – Cycling to Karate

Concepts covered:

• Performing under pressure
• Sometimes we need to be under pressure to learn
• Self-calming

Discussion points:

• What is something you are learning that might require some pressure?
• When might attempting to self-calm work for you? Maybe try the technique outlined in the book.

Chapter Eight – First trip on Eldie

Characters introduced:

• Ricky – fellow karate student

Concepts covered:

• Safety comes first
• Checklists work
• Achieve big goals in small steps
• Gary’s big mistake which resulted in a death

Discussion points:

• What are some things you do where safety should be considered? What could you do to be safer?
• What is something you do where a checklist might help? What problems might you avoid with a checklist?
• What is something big you might want to achieve? What would the smaller steps/goals look like that will help you get there?
• What could Gary have done differently when intervening in the domestic abuse situation? (Called the police and kept the confrontation vocal, not physical.)

Chapter Nine – Walking Around the Farm

Characters introduced:

• Dexter – a goat

Concepts covered:

• No animal should suffer if kept for human benefit
• Gary making a lifestyle choice to be on a small farm
• Gary and Heather choosing a lifestyle they can afford without stress

Discussion points:

• Do animals suffer for you? If so, what could you do about this?
• What is important to you in regard to lifestyle choices?

Chapter Ten – Working on the Farm

Concepts covered:

• Safety
• Matt sees Sandra and Allicia being affectionate
• Changes during adolescence
• The golden rule: Never let your emotions become someone else’s problem.

Discussion points:

• Does Sandra and Allicia’s relationship bother those around them, or are they accepted?
• What might you do if you start to feel overwhelming emotions? (Take time out, try self calming.)
• What might you do if you think someone is mad with you? (Ask them if they are mad with you.)
• Can you think of times when your emotions become someone else’s problem?

Chapter Eleven – Heading up the Coast with Gary

Characters introduced:

• Amira – one of Gary’s tennants
• Tama – Amira’s son
• Nikau and Kiana – in the broken down car with their mother

Concepts covered:

• Driving slowly – you can rethink any part of ‘normal’ life and do it your way
• Rough physical play can be appropriate
• Use your own judgement when assessing risk, don’t let others tell you what the situation is and whether your help is required
• It is possible to be physically assertive without being violent
• Inducing others to back down in confrontations can greatly reduce the likelihood of future conflict

Discussion points:

• What is something you do that you might completely rethink?
• Why did Gary help the woman when the men present asked him to leave?
• Would the situation have been worse if Gary had started a fight with the men? If he did, would they be looking for revenge?

Chapter Twelve – Taking Bill on Eldie

Concepts covered:

• We learn a lot by trying to do things. Matt had learned to competently prepare and drive the boat.
• Children need dreams – Matt’s dream is to be a mechatronics engineer
• Parents should live for their children, not in spite of them – Bill had started to live his life around Matt, not with Matt.

Discussion points:

• Why was Bill so surprised that Matt could operate the boat? (Because he did not let Matt try new things.)
• Why was Bill so surprised that Matt wanted to go to university? (Because he did not have conversations about Matt’s ambitions.)
• What are your dreams?

Chapter Thirteen – A Step Backwards

Characters introduced:

• Some Rotarians

Concepts covered:

• Some people donate their time and skills to help their community
• Violence is crushing, it is no small thing when someone is threatened or harmed

Discussion points:

• What people or groups do you know of who help their community?
• Is there a community group that you would like to join one day?
• Did Dylan do the right thing by kicking Ru? If not, what big mistake was he making? (Letting his emotions become someone else’s problem by expressing them violently.)

Chapter Fourteen – Calm at the Farm

Concepts covered:

• Victims of violence can lose their enthusiasm for life
• Animals can be very comforting
• Sometimes it takes a team effort to help someone
• In bad situations you often can still find something positive to focus on

Discussion points:

• What might have happened if Matt did not have a team of caring people around him?
• Do you have an animal that comforts you? If so, what do they do that is comforting?
• What was the positive thing that Gary found to focus on? (Matt did his best.)

Chapter Fifteen – Back at Sea

Concepts covered:

• Having fun traditions – ‘beginner’s luck’ when fishing
• Displacing negative experiences with positive ones – taking Jed on the boat gave Matt a chance to show Jed, and remind himself, that he has learned a lot and life is not all bad.

Discussion points:

• Do you have any fun traditions or games you play?
• What’s a positive thing you could do to feel better if something went wrong for you?

Chapter Sixteen – Matt Returns Home

Concepts covered:

• Sometimes big changes are required and we need someone from outside to give us direction and support

Discussion points:

• Would Bill ever have addressed the problem with Jane and with Matt’s unhappiness without outside intervention?
• Could Bill have made the changes without a team around him to provide support?

Chapter Seventeen – Lola Joins the Team

Characters introduced:

• Lola – a puppy

Concepts covered:

• We look after those who have looked after us
• Sometimes making a physical change such as adding the deck to the house, or getting a puppy, helps us move on with other things

Discussion points:

• Who might you help look after one day?
• How big a role did Lola play in helping Matt feel better?
• Would helping to build the deck make Matt feel differently about the house and whether he belonged there?

Chapter Eighteen – Back to Karate

Concepts covered:

• Nerves and a little anxiety can be positive
• Other people probably feel the same way we do. For example, Simon being anxious at his first grading.

Discussion points:

• What are things that you feel anxious about?
• Do you think the nerves could help you if you let them?

 

Chapter Nineteen – Jane Returns

Concepts covered:

• ​Reference to Jane’s suicide risk – just one line
• Mental health requires an effort, just as physical health does
• Listen to your mind, if stressed reflect on why

Discussion points:

• ​What things might we do to help our mental health? (Exercise, self-calming, having motivating goals.)
• What are some of the things that you get stressed about?

Chapter Twenty – The Garden Party

Concepts covered:

• ​Rough physical play can be appropriate
• Adults actively engaging with youth
• Chocolate mousse is great! Sometimes it is even better than salad.

Discussion points:

• ​Learning fairness and boundaries through rough physical play can be a lot of fun. Have you tried this? Who would be appropriate and who would be not appropriate for rough physical play? (Gender matched, always by mutual consent. Martial arts clubs can be great for this.)
• The chocolate mousse recipe and instructions are on the website!

Chapter Twenty One – Making Friends

Characters introduced:

• ​Nikau’s mates

Concepts covered:

• ​You grow more during adolescence if you exercise and eat well
• It’s fun to celebrate little successes, like Jude not smoking for a month
• Matt’s first feelings of physical arousal when being hugged by Sandra

Discussion points:

• ​Do you exercise enough and eat well enough? What else might you do?
• What things might you try to do that would be worth celebrating? How would you celebrate them?

Chapter Twenty Two – Back at School

Characters introduced:

• ​The maths teacher (Marie, named in final chapter)
• Jed’s mum
• Latte (dog) and her owner

Concepts covered:

• ​School can be a lot of fun
• Rooster confronts Matt
• Staying calm no matter what – Jed’s mum exemplifies not letting your emotions become someone else’s problem

Discussion points:

• ​What do you enjoy the most about your school experience?
• Why was Matt so much calmer about being confronted by Rooster? (Increased sense of self-belief, his fear was not overwhelming him, he had support.)
• Why did Matt like Jed’s mum so much?

Chapter Twenty Three – Music Lessons

Concepts covered:

• ​Music and emotions can be intertwined
• Being brave – Matt danced in class

Discussion points:

• ​What music makes you feel happy and wanting to dance?
• Would Matt have danced in class at his last school? If not, what was so different? (Personal relationship with Art, felt safer in more inclusive school culture.)

Chapter Twenty Four – The New Normal

Concepts covered:

• ​Inducing others to back down in confrontations can greatly reduce the likelihood of future conflict
• Don’t rush if you are in a hurry
• The importance of having a passion
• Engaging with those around you – the “old face”, the girls at the burger bar

Discussion points:

• ​By being calm and assertive, but not aggressive, did Matt increase or decrease the likelihood of future conflict with Rooster?
• Would rushing and driving fast have made Matt and Gary’s trip any more successful?
• Gary has a passion to build an electric boat. Do you have a passion for something you would like to do?
• Life can be a lot more fun if we engage with those around us as we go about our day. Can you think of a situation where you could engage with others around you?

Chapter Twenty Five – A Walk in the Bush

Concepts covered:

• ​The evolutionary role of homosexuality
• The broad range of sexual and gender expression is natural and common in nature
• The likelihood that Simon had committed suicide
• The importance of talking to others when things seem too much to bear
• The golden rule applies to beliefs as well as emotions.

Discussion points:

• ​What are the ways in which we are born different from one another?
• Do we get to choose the ways in which we are different?
• Who would you talk to if you needed to? (Someone with the experience and resources to help you.)

Chapter Twenty Six – The Reckoning

Concepts covered:

​We fall in love with how we feel

• Death is for the living
• The nachos recipe all boys should know!
• Setting a social contract – making a peace deal with Rooster
• Sometimes you don’t know how much something is stressing you until it is resolved

Discussion points:

• Love and death might be a challenge to discuss with a young person. I shall leave this to the readers judgement.
• Would you like to cook nachos?
• What are the chances that Rooster will confront Matt again now that he has agreed they are done and shaken Matt’s hand? (Very low!)
• Is there a person, or situation, you need to make peace with?

Chapter Twenty Seven – Matt’s Big Day

Concepts covered:

• Boys always run too fast at the start of races…
• It’s okay to favour fun over control and compliance
• Sometimes we have made more progress than we realise

Discussion points:

• Would Matt have known how much fitter and stronger he had become if he had not made an effort to compete?
• What are you doing at the moment to become better at something? What would you like to do better at?

Chapter Twenty Eight – Farewells and New Beginnings

Concepts covered:

• The importance of letting Sandra and Allicia publicly express their relationship and have acceptance of this
• Our personal importance is based on what we do, not who we are
• Self belief is more valuable than self esteem
• Matt’s realisation that Gary loves Sandra unconditionally
• The importance of affection – Jane shows Matt affection

Discussion points:

If our importance was just based on who we are, would we need to make an effort at all? (No, we cannot change who we are.)

If self belief is built on making an effort, does this put us in more control of how we feel? (Yes, because we are in control of the effort we make.)